It's Crazy What Can Change in a Year

The title of this post pretty much gives away the theme of this post, as titles are wont to do.

This restless night has led me back to the blog I so cruelly abandoned approximately a year ago.  (Mini tangent: I'm not even so sure why I put an extended pause on the blogging?)

I spent a little time combing through my posts, and I was sort of shocked at what I as reading:
1. because I still like my original posts after all this time
2. because I was so stressed about my life and didn't realize how many wonderful things were coming my way

I was unemployed, single, and--to be quite honest--a little bit depressed.  As luck would have it, all three of those dispositions, if you will, have changed.  I have my first "grownup" job, a wonderful boyfriend, and am extremely happy with my life right now.

However...

I refuse to abandon what that long, hard year of unemployment has taught me.  I refuse to fall into a rut of complacency.  Instead, I strive for more every day.  Maybe I programmed myself to think like a green, unemployed college grad--maybe I'm in denial about actually being a college grad?--but I still live by a few rules I invented for myself during my first year in the Real World.

1. Save all the money!
I have always been frugal and good at saving money.  But working a part-time, minimum wage job really drove the nail in the coffin on this one.

2. Don't sweat things too much.
Jobs, relationships, friendships, getting over a heartbreak... Things happen--it's life.  Sometimes you just have to let them happen.  I have learned that there is a true art and balance to life.  Trust your gut and stay in touch with what you need.  It makes it so much easier to decide which things are worth pursuing and which things are worth letting alone to sort themselves out.

3. Ask yourself...
What can you do to make today better?  The smallest actions can have the biggest impact.  Don't doubt your influence on the world around you.

4. People will hurt you. People will use you.
Learn from it and move on.  Oh, and don't trust someone who has given you a reason not to trust them.  And another thing: it's not necessary to give someone a second chance if they really hurt you.
In short: Do bury the hatchet; don't walk around with the hatchet in your back.

5. Know who your friends are. Stick by them.
Even if that means you are your own best friend.  Sometimes the only one you can depend on is yourself.  However, give people a chance.  You may meet one of the best friends of your life when you least expect it!

6. Do what makes you happy.
Of course, this shouldn't be done at the expense of others.  But this is your life.  Dream up the biggest dreams you can dream and never stop chasing them.

7. Find what you're good at YOU LIKE and DO it!
Don't be afraid to try new things.  You never know what you'll like or be good at!  Take a class.  Read a book.  Create.  Think.  Share.  The possibilities are endless!

8. Face your fears.
After awful flights my entire life, I got myself in a big ol' airplane, flew across the ocean, and went snorkeling in the Caribbean.  Get out of the habit of avoiding inconveniences and things you don't really like--you never know what rewards may come!

Basically what I'm taking the roundabout way of saying is that a year ago, I was barely scraping by, both emotionally and financially.  Every ounce of suffering is ephemeral.  Things change.  They will get better.  You just have to feed the tenacity and starve the doubt.

As I am pursuing the application process for grad school, I, of course, am somewhat nervous.  However, I am so inexplicably excited to see what opportunities arise as the next year unfolds.

Love-Hating on Everything

I love-hate my love-hate relationships.  And, not to brag or anything, but I have a lot of them.

Fingernails, shopping, road trips, booze...  I mean, there's really a lot to love-hate about all these things.

However, the biggest love-hate relationship I have is with social media.

I'm a fan of the Gram.  I am twitterpated with Twitter.  I can't help myself!!!

The "hate" part of my relationship with social media stems from the "train wreck" quality of it all.  It's so bad, but I cannot seem to look away.  Before I know it, I've emptied half my battery and two hours of my time looking through one of my friend's old Tweets or through the photos of some random hashtag category on the Gram.  Then I spiral into a guilt-fueled depression as I think of all the things I could have done with that time.

I spend most of my day applying to jobs (seriously, will someone please hire me?!), but when I take a break to respond to a message, to read emails for my internship, or to check the time, I can't keep myself from seeing if there is anything new in my feed.

Since I have signed up for the Gram and the Twitter, my hobbies have really taken a hit as far as dedication goes.  I don't read nearly as much as I used to, and I can physically feel my muscles atrophying by the second.  I still make time for the other things I enjoy (such as reading), but my social media accounts definitely distract me from more mentally fulfilling pursuits.

This is where the "love" comes in, I guess.  It's the immediacy that I like.  I--like the rest of society--enjoy being entertained every second of the day.  Whether my old schoolmates at Penn State are hating on their lengthy assignments, my friends from Texas are posting about life's milestones, or my buddy in West Virginia is making fun of everyone we know (I'm lookin' at you, Pru!), I like keeping up with what is going on with the people I am close with.

I wholeheartedly admit that I am an internet creep.  I have never stalked someone with obsessive or aggressive intentions, but I just like seeing new things (and sometimes old things from the archives) and checking out what's going on with the people I care about.

What it boils down to is that I love being in the loop.  I also love having a reason to share all my selfies, because I am obsessed with myself(ie).  I think that, when used correctly, social media is a great platform to build relationships with other people and to feel validated about your own decisions.  I like to make jokes, I like to uplift spirits, I like to upload pics of my dog.  I am able to do all of these things (and more!) thanks to social media and the internet.

I don't think I'll ever ditch the Gram or the Twitter.  (Facebook is a different story.)  For as much as I believe that social media is glucose-dense brain candy that is going to give us so much mental diabetes, I can't help myself.  I definitely know that I could kick it and be done with it all, but the thing is that I don't want to.

At the end of the day, social media is always going to be one of those things that I love to hate and hate to love.

If you are a member of the Twitterverse or Gramnation, follow me!  I'd love your thoughts on older posts, and I'm definitely open to suggestions for things you'd like to hear me gripe about. :)  Shoot me a Tweet or a DM and let me know you're a reader.  And, of course, I'm all about that follow back life!
How Tweet of you!  Shoot me a message on the Twitter @jesshank
You've double-tapped your way into my heart! Hit me up on the Gram @facechopp

April Tomfoolery

Surprisingly enough, I'm not an April Fools Day hater.  I won't even complain about it.

Okay, maybe I lied.  I will complain a little bit.

I am a huge fan of holidays.  While I have never really been a prankster, I have never been an AFD Scrooge, either.  As long as people don't get carried away with their pranks, I think that it's just one of those "all in good fun" things.

I'm generally not a target of practical jokes, which is probably good because--depending on the severity of the prank--my reaction could be pretty unpredictable.  Although, you think I'd be an expert at this kind of thing by now...

Sometimes I feel like every day of my life is AFD and all these cosmic jokes are being played on me by the Universe.  I say all the time that my life is a joke and that it isn't real.  But these statements don't come from a negative place--it's just so much funny stuff happens to me that my life is one walking ha-ha moment after the next and that some of the crazy things that happen to me are so far-fetched that I disbelieve that they are actually even real.

I can't help the weird things that life throws at me.  I just choose to roll with the punches and laugh stuff off instead of being overwhelmed by it all.  I'm a funny girl: I notice funny things, I make humorous comparisons, and I am an expert-level hyperbole user.

Of course there are things in my life that suck.  I keep waiting for that "APRIL FOOLS!" moment where all this dead weight is cut loose and the joke that is unemployed singledom is finally over.  But until then, I'm just gonna keep my chin up and laugh along with what is going on around me.  After all, nobody likes a sad clown.

I'm Not Good at Boys

I have had one relationship, so it's pretty apparent that I am not the greatest at boys/boyfriends/"talking to" boys/flirting/having dates with boys.

It doesn't really bother me that I'm not good at Boyology, it bothers me why I'm not good at it.

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"Woe is me!  Woe are we!" cries the chorus of boys in dismay.  "We don't know what women want!"

Here's the thing: it isn't that hard.  If guys would just stop making things so complicated, then life would just be so much easier for girls like me.

Though, I guess I can't blame it all on them.  Girls definitely like to twist things around.  But, again, that whole situation makes things hard for me.

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I think everyone has "trust issues," and I think that is totally normal.  The problem with trust issues is that they are usually unfair and that they are made by a really vicious cycle.

Somewhere, sometime, some manipulative lady milked some nice guy for everything he was worth and then blew him off.  Then that guy started drinking and blaming all the world's problems on women, and then all of this guy's equally drunk friends started making mountains out of mole hills and jumped on the bandwagon.

The coquettish broad who strung the nice guy along completely displaced all the blame from herself in a wine-fueled powwow with her closest friends.  After many compliments on how beautiful, wonderful, smart, vivacious, and better-off-without-him she was, every lady in the group realized that self-victimization was the Number One way to get compliments, which--as we know--makes women feel empowered.

After that, boys were suspicious and girls were too needy.  Subsequently, we now have chocolate-covered everything.

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I'm not saying that I'm perfect (even though I actually kind of am).  I know I make mistakes; I know I get weepy sometimes; I know I am hard to read.  I also know that I don't play games, and I really don't know why anyone would want to.

I have a genuine lack of concern for going through phones, creeping social media (for anything except a recreational pastime), and knowing where a dude is 24/7.  While I think this is one of my better qualities, I think it's something that makes boys suspicious of me.

It's not that I don't care: it's that I don't have the time (or desire) to keep tabs on someone.  The way I see it is you're either involved or you're not: if you have that little trust for someone that you need to perpetually check up on them, then maybe you need to reevaluate your involvement.

Of course I think that trust should be earned over time, but not because I have roll-over doubts from the last guy I dated (who, by the way, was a total dingus).  That isn't fair.  Every guy is different, so you can't chalk them all up on the same rubric that you formulated from your first failed relationship.  

There's a difference between wising up and being a distrustful little shrew.

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This brings me back to the point I was making about "it being hard for me."  Instead of learning from past experiences (especially the bad ones), I have realized that most people dwell on them.  There is a huge difference between dwelling on something and learning from it.  Because people aren't willing to move past the past, they miss out on new opportunities by projecting old problems on new situations.  

I think the reason humans have a hard time trusting each other is because we can't let go of the bitterness and negativity in our lives.  It is really hard to move past things, especially when they are negative experiences.  It's kind of like that saying that goes "once you learn a new word, you'll start hearing it everywhere" because you've been attuned to it.  It's a fall of innocence, if you will.  It is really hard to trust people after you have been betrayed.

Maybe my naivety makes me look stupid or manipulative, even though it comes from a positive place.  Maybe because I am too trusting, it makes me come off as untrustworthy.  I don't know.  I am attributing my failure in Boyology to that, because I really don't know what else it could be.  I'm not shirking any ownership of my negative qualities (as if I actually had any), I just genuinely have no better explanation (except that maybe I'm a little too Type-A and also a little non-committal).

Either way, I think that solid relationships (whether familial, friendly, or romantic) succeed when people are on the same page as far as trust goes.  It's not my fault that I'm not always trusted: sometimes people just aren't as trusting from the jump as I am, and that is totally okay.  I choose to be trusting because I choose not to be encumbered by my past--I'd rather take a few lumps and gain a few pearls of wisdom than never get hurt and never learn anything new.

It is exasperating for me that I don't always play my cards right with guys, but I'm really proud that I always stay level-headed and honest.  Even if someone else disappoints me, at least I am confident in the fact that I can trust myself and stay true to who I am.  At the end of the day, I guess that's more important than being good at Boyology, anyway.

SWF, 22, Seeks Immediate Change

The only thing I hate about old people is that they tell you not to worry about stuff.

"You're still young.  You have time."

The reason this bothers me so much lately is that I have lived for almost an entire year after graduating from one of the best universities and I am, alas, still seeking employment that will actually pay my bills.  Why?

Since I'm still young, I guess I'm not afflicted with the finite pressures of time.  Or maybe it's just that I have lots more time to waste...

I'm literally at my breaking point.  I got an email today from a company that informed me that I was not offered the job, which is fine, because I prefer to know that I'm no longer being considered instead of putting all my fragile little hopeful eggs into a basket of deceit.  However, the thing that made my blood boil over it was the cheery and condescending blurb at the end that wished me better luck at the next place I applied to.

Like, thank you?

To add insult to injury, I was reminded that I am stuck living in a dinky town that I loathe with every fiber of my being.  Since I'm unemployed (I love my internship, but it is unpaid *ten million tears*), I don't have the resources to get out of this situation.  So I have been stalling and feeling perpetually panicked about my life going nowhere (based on my track record, let's be honest).

I have changed my tactics repeatedly and gotten creative with my resources.  The sucky thing is, though, that it is all out of my hands--I can't make someone hire me, even though my resume is amazing.  I'm a pretty patient person, but I am also driven by intention, so I hate endlessly waiting around.  Therefore, twiddling my thumbs and watching job postings for almost a year has been soul-crushingly exhausting for me.  (Not to mention that sitting at my computer for hours on end to fill out applications has essentially given me glaucoma and muscle atrophy.)

So I guess you could say my complaint of the day is stalling.  I'm 22, single (ugh, don't even get me started), bored out of my freaking mind, and (honestly) pretty disappointed with my life so far.  But I am doing the best with what I have, which, I guess, is really all I can do.

I Need the Antidote for All These Anecdotes.

All right, guys.  My first official gripe sesh is about to commence.  If you know me at all, you will understand why I chose this particular topic.  If you do not really know me that well, then I would like to welcome you into my life and introduce you to who I am at the most elemental level.

One of my absolute biggest pet peeves is abuse...

...of syntax.

As a writer/editor/reader/copy editor, it physically pains me to see the abuse of written language.  Run-on sentences look like chain gang prisoners, wayward semicolons are like lost children, and misspelled words are the sad eyes of caged animals who are looking into my soul and beckoning for my help.  I see every single one of them, and I want to help them all.

Do you not understand that I am effectively affected with every misused word?

Are you not aware when your participles are dangling?

Did no one teach you that semicolons are not confetti for you to sprinkle all over your sentences just to make them look pretty?

I believe that possessives and contractions are definitely the most misunderstood species of the grammatical kingdom.  Oftentimes mistaken for their contraction counterparts, all the yours, itses, and theirs have been used to exhaustion; meanwhile the you'res, it'ses, and they'res have nearly reached extinction.  If only people realized that they needed verbs, then this would not even be a problem.  The only way to solve this lexical dilemma would be to completely expunge the apostrophe.  However...

That would just cause too many problems for us lazy speakers of English.  Infatuated with the apostrophe, we use it as a shortcut in our possessives.  Why would we want to beat around the proverbial bush when we could just get to the point by taking the backward, apostrophe-facilitated shortcut?

                    Tim's grandmother's brooch is expensive.
                    The brooch of the grandmother of Tim...

No.  We love our apostrophe too much to sacrifice it, regardless of the clarity it would bring to the use of our possessives.  We are fueled by our lazy vernacular--we keep the apostrophe and all the confusion that comes with it, because nobody has time for all that verbosity.  Anyway, the problem would not end with the apostrophe being eliminated: prepositional problems would surely ensue...

The number of human beings who think that "of" is a verb is really frightening.  "Should of," "could of," and "would of"--oftentimes followed by "did"--are three of the most cringe-worthy word combinations I have ever had the displeasure of reading.  I do not know when we began forgetting (or neglecting!) that every statement needs at least one verb, but apparently there has been a colossal anti-verb propaganda campaign sponsored by the word "of" that is keeping us from writing full sentences.  I am going to take us back many, many moons and remind everyone that sentences without action cannot exist.  We need verbs, because verbs are our action words.  This is our new mantra, so say it with me: verbs are action words.  Soothing, is it not?

Okay, okay.  Maybe it is just me, but there really is a lot of satisfaction that comes from fixing all these little errors.  It is like I am digging for gold--every error I find is like a big, shiny nugget.  While you might not understand why editing does this for me, I am sure that you have something that gives you that same triumphant feeling.

Everyone has his own cause.  This is mine.  It is a rough life to compulsively feel the need to fix other people's grammatical problems.  I bear the cross of the Intellectual Snob and have been branded as a member of the pretentious "Who/Whom" Police.  The road to grammatical perfection is never-ending, but I travel it proudly and bravely (of course armed with my Col-E pencils).

But I feel like I am forgetting something here...

Oh yes.  I am forgetting a huge thanks to all the grammar perps out there.  I would not be able to do what I love to do if there were not so many people who have problems with spelling, punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and parallelism.  So, I want to give my wholehearted gratitude to everyone who makes blunders--both big and small--because, without you, both my degree and my passion would be completely obsolete.  You all inspire (and infuriate) me. So, thank you.Y

Griping It Out

Ever since I started writing this blog, I've been trying to develop a concrete "theme" to run with.  You know, something that I could give a solid, one-word answer for when someone asks me, "Oh, what's your blog about?"

Birds!
Yo-yos!
Lemons!

Gout?...

I've always heard that people tend to write about what they know, and I do believe that this holds some credence--unless you are doing really abstract creative writing (i.e., any sci-fi reference of your choice), you have to have some depth of knowledge for what you are talking about.  For example, since I'm an English major, I wouldn't want to go writing about the particulars of physics.  Of course I know the basics, but I definitely wouldn't be able to sit and explicate the inner-workings for you.  If you asked me to write my opinion on Keats, though...

The problem with this--for me--is that I have a lot of different interests and know quite a lot about all of them.  (Forgive me for tooting my own proverbial horn, but *toot-toot*.)  So, again, this puts me back in the struggle of deciding what I want to pick to consistently write about.  I thought about doing something that was all about crafting, but I didn't want to be just another blog that regurgitated Pinterest projects.  I also thought about doing something about yoga, but there again, there are, like, twelve kajillion blogs/sites that talk about that. 

Anyway, running with the idea of going with what I know, I've finally settled on what direction I want to take this.  When someone asks me, "Hey, Jess.  What's your blog about?," I am going to confidently answer with the authoritative voice of experience by saying, "Complaining!"

Don't misunderstand my intentions, here.  I'm not going to be some sniveling, selfish boob who sits here and whines to you about how my life is not perfect 100% of the time.  That would not be fun for any of us.  Instead, I want to focus on the humor in the weirdness of my life.  I tell people all the time that "my life is not real."  The strangest things happen to me (see encounters 1-5 from "My Old Guy Count Is Off the Charts") and, for whatever reason, people like to hear me vent about them.  So, it looks like I'm going to attempt to join the ranks of the many gifted storytellers before me.  (Maybe we should resurrect Chaucer and have him rewrite me into the Canterbury Tales...)

My promise to you is that I will always strive for humor and never for negativity.  I want us to come together over our mutual griefs and appreciate the humor in them.  I want you to laugh with me at the things that I notice that go on around (or to) me.  I want to humorously celebrate the things that make me want to use every single overly dramatic crying emoji in my phone's keyboard.

At the end of the day, you can either cry about what tries to bring you down, or you can take it with a grain of salt and laugh at it.  And I, for one, would always rather laugh than cry.